The Hints with No Shame (Punful Hints for Delaware St. John Volume 2)

Episode 1: The Big Picture

So, you had this vision and you end up in the middle of what you thought was nowhere. Now, you realize it’s Nowheresville, but you still sense that you have a destiny here. Kelly gave you some information, but it’s up to you to explore. Where do you go first?

I’d start with the name of this episode. Is there anything on the street that has to do with pictures? Uh, oh! It doesn’t look like that theater is exactly doing big box office. Wait! Did something move in there? It did? That’s the ticket!

Well, even though you have a ticket, the theater doors are locked. Of course, Delaware isn’t that far past his teen-aged years, and teenagers have always had their ways of getting into theaters (and trouble). So, you might want to explore a little further.

Did you find a tank truck blocking your way? I guess this means that whatever happened in this town happened before oil crested $70.00 a barrel. Of course, it makes you wonder where the town’s service station might be, doesn’t it. All you see is a crazy diner off to your right. By now, you find yourself (as Del) starting to repeat yourself a lot: “This door’s locked,” “The door’s locked,” and “Surprise, surprise! The door’s locked.”

Oh, well. This place looks like a dump, anyway. The food they served probably wasn’t any better than the stuff in this dumpster. Hey! What is in the dumpster, anyway? I suppose you can find something to use by hook or crook.

Well, you were probably (once again, if you paid attention to the title) more interested in the theater, anyway. And you might try to get in like some of your friends did in junior and senior high (I’m sure you’re much too honest to have done so yourself.). You might try the alley next to the theater, but unless you look high and low, you’ll never find a way—even by hook or crook—to get in. If you’re careful, you might solve this problem one step at a time. You did? Excellent.

There’s always an opening for a smart guy like you. Take the opening and set yourself up with a nice little office job. Or should we say, desk job? Find anything? It reminds me of the old joke (and I use the noun loosely): “What color would a Freudian slip be?” By the time you search this office and I’m betting that you’ll discover it’s always a certain time in this city, you should get a visitation from the departed manager, I think you’ll be plenty forewarned that what you found didn’t use the word “termination” by accident.

Once you listen to the old guy rant, you get to listen to Kelly. Once your colleague finishes updating you, it’s time to explore. The closest door (the one right across the hall) is locked. And, I don’t advise visiting the lower floor until you’ve checked everything out on this floor. So, instead of turning right to go down the stairs, turn left and click to go around the corner. Hmm! You say the first door you came to is also locked? I’m sorry. It seems the spirits have hardwired this portion of the game. You’ll need to go past this door and turn around and come back. Now, you can try it again. After a little vocal vignette between the cranky old apparition you saw in the office and a younger voice, you’re still not able to enter the room. However, you’ve added some clues to your collection and accomplished all you can on this floor—for now!

Let’s try that staircase. Watch the arrows on the cursor carefully. In my opinion, they aren’t placed intuitively, here. ENTER the staircase (even though it looks like the cursor is pointing up) and you’ll actually go downstairs. Might as well try the white door (marked “Service Room”). Yes, it’s locked, but sometimes you just need to listen. Sounds like you’ll need to get in there at some time.

Now, you’ll need to enter the lobby proper of the theater. If you’ve done everything right, Kelly should share the story of Jedediah Epps and the founding of this unnamed (so far) utopia. Sounds like somebody had more than seven years of bad luck and if you find something that is tied to that idea in superstition, you’re on the right path. In fact, you’re real close to where you can meet two not-so-departed souls talking about departing the theater during their lifetimes.

COLD CASH You won’t find any cash in this old cash register, but it does hold the key to one puzzle.

I like to think that cold food and cold cash provide the keys to this part of the adventure. Wonder what those notes on the refrigerator mean? Maybe you should copy one of them down. And, speaking of cash, you probably wonder if there is still any remaining in the cash register. You’ve got the combination, right? But there’s no C key on the cash register. Guess it’s a good thing there is more than one old crank in this episode. I guess the combination uses the crank and the keys. And speaking of keys (or typing as the case may be), what have we here?

Do you suppose this will open one of the locked doors we’ve already found? Let’s see. What door would a concession employee need to enter? You don’t need to cry about poor service. Just try it. And see what time it is along the way. Hmm! Not one tick since you left the office, eh? Well, time enough for that, later. Let’s see if we can be of service.

Hey! I remember the old song about knocking three times on the ceiling, but aren’t you curious about the metallic nature of these knocks. If you open the right one (pun intended), you’ll see nothing. Of course, that doesn’t mean nothing will be there when you leave.

Now, here’s the simplest answer to a dialogue tree that you’ve ever seen. Throughout this adventure, you’re given two choices. These are not meaningful choices. They are there for color. No matter how you answer, the same thing happens.

Of course, you have to wonder about the other locker. Sure, go ahead and open it. It looks like a combination of Michael Jackson and Mr. Clean used this locker. Might as well grab the leftover prop from the former’s stage act. It could come in handy at a latter time. This is, after all, an adventure game.

Well, it doesn’t take much exploring before you find that the doors to the main theater are locked and that you don’t have a coin for the video game machine. So, might as well check out those other stairs, right?

Wonder what this first door is for? Oh, great! It’s a restroom. I’m sure no one would dump anything of value in here. Of course, having watched The Godfather, there’s always a chance for a weapon. Hmm! No weapon is here, but there is something you can use to unlock some more of this mystery. That is, you could use it if you could only figure out a way to protect yourself from the environmentally unsafe conditions. You probably need a “clean suit” or at least part of it. Now, if only the key fits like a glove at the point where you need it.

You know, if the Men’s Restroom had something useful, you’re probably wondering if the Women’s Restroom has anything. You might want to check. I would have tried not to make any bad puns like “sink or swim,” or “We don’t need no steenkeeng badges,” but once I had typed them, it was too late. Hope they helped because what you find in the restroom can do so.

Once you find the balcony’s doors, you’ll find a new obstacle—a theater employee who doesn’t want to let you in—ID card or no ID card, ticket or no ticket. Well, maybe the main theater isn’t off limits by now. You could see if your ID can open those doors.

Oops! That wasn’t exactly what you had in mind. Oh, well. Success is yours. Ah, you probably hear the old crank once again. It doesn’t matter. Just get familiar with the main theater. Once you’ve clicked everywhere you need to, you should hear the invisible audience enjoying the show. But are these memories of the past or reactions to your feeble efforts? The answer isn’t clear, but when you exit the theater, you get additional information via the VIC. You also have a pretty good idea of the identity of the girl that you saw in the locker and who the theater employee was who flirted with her in the concession stand scene. You also find out something important about the old crank.

Hey! I’ll wager you’re wondering what’s being hidden in that balcony. Maybe if you paid more attention to that employee, you could get access. Surely there is something that’s been puzzling that ghost all of these years. In fact, if you fill in the missing letters for the crossword puzzle (just click on the missing letters), so that one across would be something you’d wear on stage or to a party and the one down would equal something you’d read in a tabloid or gossip column, she’ll let you onto the balcony.

Wonder if anything is hidden under these seats? You should be able to find something left behind on one of these seats. Yes, that’s coin of the realm in this kind of game. Of course, if you explore the entire balcony, you’ll run into Charles’ sister, Mother Helena.

Unfortunately, from my perspective, this begins a timed chase sequence. I’ll code my notes in hints from old songs, but SPOILER #1 can be found at the end of this article where the solution is spelled out step by step.

1. “Turn around, look at me!”
2. “Go Ahead and Cry”
3. “A Certain Slant of Light”
4. “Straight, No Chaser”
5. “Right Here, Right Now”
6. Straight Up Funk”
7. “I Feel My Luck Comin’ Down”
8. “Go Down, Moses”
9. “One Step Closer”
10. “Turn, Turn, Turn”
11. “Stairway to Heaven”
12. “All Right Now”
13. “All the Right Moves”
14. “Feels So Right”
15. “Welcome Back, Kotter”

At this point, there don’t seem to be any clear signals except for the fact that Kelly describes your recent experience as being analogous to the chase/maze experience in the first game of the series. Since you could go back to your exploration without repercussions after the chase in that game was over, you could feasibly return to the portion of the theater that you were investigating before Mother Helena (sometimes, Sister Helena) threatened you and your old nemesis chased you. If you do so, you see a message on the screen that is analogous to a song alluded to in your visit to the storage room.

Okay, if the theater screen is telling you to perform an action three times, where would you perform this action. It isn’t intuitive, but any rooms where you’ve heard supernatural action taking place without being able to enter would be fair game. I would wager that if you use the appropriate icon and perform the suggested action three times, the door will open and, providing you are both straight and sinister, you’ll receive the next task when you receive a visit from Josh. If this paragraph makes no sense, check out SPOILER #2 at the bottom of the page.

Of course, the problem is determining how to let Josh “hear” from Jenny. These ghosts seem to be tied to their particular spaces. If only there were some way to digitize them and share their messages to each other. Actually, for the record, there is a way to digitize Jenny’s voice right under your nose. Once you’ve done that, return to the upstairs storage room and the message will play automatically.

At this point, Josh tells you that he and Jenny cannot be liberated until you find their bodies. That’s fair enough. He even seems to be leading the way. You follow him, but guess what? You only end up in the projection room. Fortunately, there’s plenty to examine here. You should find something a little screwy here and something that definitely doesn’t belong here before you go shoveling off. Right now, you should have four important objects in your inventory: something to do with admission, something to be inserted, something for prying or twisting, and something you can really dig (SPOILER #3 should clarify this for those of you annoyed by this punful tips.).

Now, where do you go? You can assume you’ll need to go to the theater sooner or later, but it’s hard to get there without noticing that video game machine. It’s also hard to notice the coin-op game machine without realizing that it is active and, upon closer examination, noticing the coin slot. Let’s see, you have a quarter and a machine that takes quarters. Is this a coincidence? It might be in real life, but it’s not in this game. Why don’t you play it?

The instruction screen immediately pops up. It gives the point values for each animal, tells you that you’ll shoot the animal or a representative animal on each screen that equals the greatest cumulative point value. I would wager that you wouldn’t need to replay it more than once to succeed, if that, but here are movie titles to provide clues for the animal you need to “shoot” for each screen. Again, we’ll put the straightforward answers as SPOILER #4 below.

1. What’s Up, Doc?
2. Mommie, Dearest
3. The Deer Hunter
4. Who Framed Roger Rabbit?
5. Chasing the Deer
6. Wallace and Gromit and the Curse of the Were-Rabbit
7. Dead Skunk
8. Dear Heart
9. Watership Down
10. Stump Run in Skunk Hollow

Once you complete the sequence, you should see the map of the theater and be able to head straight for the X. Of course, you don’t really see anything but the stage and a panel under the stage. What a sight for prying eyes! Don’t you feel a driving force to remove that? If you do, it opens up new possibilities. You see a scene that proves Charles Epps knows where the bodies are buried and now, you do, too. However, this specter of a man accuses you of trespassing. Looks like you’ll have to prove your legitimacy or cough up an admission of guilt. There must be some way to prove you’re not there under false pretenses.

If you hand over the proper evidence to Charles, you find out a little more about his attitude and his spirit will leave you alone. If you can dig it, you can gather up the skeletal remains of his victims and depart. Just follow the instructions of the grateful spirits you encounter and this adventure will have come to a successful close.

Episode 2: Home of the Damned

As you begin this episode, you sense something eerily familiar about the orphanage in front of you. Unlike most of the other doors you’ve encountered in town and most of those you’ll encounter inside, the double doors are unlocked and open quickly to your virtual touch. The doorways open to steps and your only option is to move up those steps to the statue/fountain/font at the top of the stairs. The imagery looks vaguely religious, but seems purposely ambiguous. The doors closing behind you and the hideous laughter are not quite so ambiguous, but you have a job to do.

Quickly scouting this area will reveal that turning left will lead you to one dormitory-style hallway and turning right will provide a mirror image. Since this is a sinister environment, you’ll probably want to turn in the appropriate direction. If you’re more sinister than dexterous, you’ll be able to open the first door you come to and enter right in. At this point, there are three points of interest with two in plain sight should you turn one direction and one you’ll have to draw out of its hiding place. The two in plain sight are adjacent to each other, but one is significantly larger than the other.

The larger item corresponds to an earlier incident in the town’s history while the item beside it can unlock a future mystery. So, you need to grab that second item and add it to your bag of tricks. On the other side of the room, you’ll want to get to the bottom of the mystery by flipping through all of the possibilities. You might even describe this discovery as paging Mother Helena because, if you examine it all, she will appear as son as you try to leave the room.

In fact, you must be very popular all of a sudden because Kelly will get in touch with you almost immediately after Mother Helena vanishes. Now, if you’re like me, you’ll immediately check all the other doors in this hallway. I’ll save you some time on this, but if you don’t want my spoiler, skip the sentence that follows this one. When you explore these doors, you’ll find that they are all locked, so I recommend that you go back to the statue/fountain/font and once you get there, continue being sinister (go left) and go to the end of the corridor. The kitchen is at the end of the hallway.

So, look around till you find the kitchen. You’ll probably hear a phone ringing. You’ll need to answer it each time it does, but the speakers don’t always make sense from your perspective. This is, after all, a supernatural thriller. Don’t waste too much time on these phone calls. They are mostly for color, but they set flags in the code that open up other possibilities. More importantly, while you are here in the kitchen, you need to find a top drawer solution to a later puzzle. You could also explore the pantry now, but things in the spirit world of the Delaware St. John series have their own special timing. Take my word for it, it’s not yet time.

Instead, you can return the way you came and go upstairs. Eventually, you’ll find a set of double doors that will surrender their vigilance to the item you gleaned in the first room you visited. If you look around the room, you’ll find a child who needs help. In fact, you’ll need to gather five crayons of different colors and then, fill-in the colors on the child’s picture in the proper order. The locales of the different crayons (all within this room) can be discovered in the following list of common quotations. SPOILER #5 will spell out the locations exactly.

1. “Please be seated.”
2. “Sink or swim.”
3. “Easy does it.”
4. “Don’t put me on the shelf.”
5. “Increase shelf life!”

At the same time you’re looking for the crayons, consider the wisdom of this rhyme.

“While you’re looking for those hues,
Keep an eye out for some clues,
For in order to find order,
And keep all within the borders,
Read all notes and give the game its due!”

If that doesn’t make sense after you search around a bit, check out SPOILER #6. If you color the child’s drawing in the correct order, a supernatural map will appear and “X” will mark the spot. Compare that with your mental map of the bottom floor and go to that room. Even if you go to the right room, you might need to use force. This time, however, you don’t have to use it three times (like in the first episode). As the Nike ads used to say, “Just do it!”

Once inside the “X”-rated room (not really—I just liked the pun), you’ll find one thing of interest and you’ll find it where most kids hide their treasures (sort of). It may not be under the mattress, but the revelations to be found in this room will floor you. The repository of information in this room reveals information on the meta-plot (“Who is this mysterious stranger?”) and a mini-plot—something about a little girl.

Oh, no! This will require a bit of searching. The short answer—don’t read this if you just want to explore—is to go to the third floor. Only one door up there will open and even if you’ve been there before, you’ll want to check out the room. Now is one of those times when you can examine something. Delaware will figure out what he can do, so follow the conversational lead and grab that for your bag of tricks.

Now, is there anyplace here you haven’t been? You say there was an accessibility gap on the second floor? Yes, it was so big that you probably expected a London stationmaster to proclaim, “Mind the gap!” Surely, there must be a way to bridge the gap. Is there any way to create your own drawbridge?

If you figure that out, you must be pretty dexterous. That should tell you which door is most interesting. Enter the room and note that the person in the closet is not the same as the celebrity in the infamous South Park episode. There’s a little light work to be done here if you can find a source of energy. If you do it right, you make one departed spirit very happy.

But, as you leave, you’ll notice that someone is active above you. Something is happening upstairs and it requires your attention. Guess what? Mother Helena’s spirit has been very active. The poor kid you saved from coloring purgatory has now been assigned librarian duty. You have to stack the children’s books in one pile and the adult books in the other. It’s an easy puzzle, but I’ll give you the antonym or slightly different word for one of the key words in each title and divide them into the two stacks. If you need more help, they’re listed in SPOILER #7.

Children’s
1. danger
2. margarine
3. T minus 12
4. numbers
5. health

Adult
1. reward
2. goodness
3. mental health
4. poverty
5. arctic drilling
6. Colonel Mustard
7. exorcism

If you sort them correctly, you should hear from Kelly. The discussion should make it clear that you haven’t found a ritual room, yet. There’s only one way to find something. Start looking again. Maybe there’s something new that’s opened up downstairs as a result of your accomplishments up here. Did it sound like someone called your name? In fact, it looks like there is a shadow outside Room 102. Maybe you should investigate. I guess an orphanage run by pseudo-nuns wouldn’t be known for its pillow talk but isn’t there something here? Gee, what’s written on what you find here fits you to the letter. Well, it may not be one thousand words, but it’s worth a picture isn’t it. So, click your VIC and talk to Kelly again.

Guess who interrupts you. Yep, there’s a town in Montana named after her. Well, if you’re going to find that room, you’ll even need to explore where we didn’t before. Must be someplace hidden, so we might try that little room we passed over when we answered the phone earlier. Where was that again? So, if you go to the pantry, you’ll meet another departed girl. This one’s name is Kirsty and when she tells you why she got into trouble, I would advise you to remember it.

Unfortunately, this conversation unleashes another chase scene. You have to follow her efficiently in order to reach a safe place. Don’t be afraid if you can’t follow her into the first room. Just make sure you follow her as fast as possible to the next one (upstairs) which is entirely safe.

Even though it’s safe, you’ll run into a new kid, Ashley. Ashley knows how to get to the secret room, but you’ll have to find the poor kid’s toy dinosaur before he’ll show you. The problem is that that Mother Helena confiscated that little animal and you don’t know where it is. Wait a minute! Which room was Mother Helena’s? Right! You must have overlooked it earlier (after all, things have a way of popping up in these adventures when you actually need them and sometimes, not before).

ALTAR EGO Ashley knows where to find the ritual room. Follow him.

Okay, Mr. Spiritual Messenger Boy, you get the dinosaur and give it to Ashley. Then, you follow Ashley to the bathroom across from the kitchen. What you’re looking for is on the wall not the stall. It involves water, but there’s no risk of getting wet. Once you move the right thing, the ritual altar is exposed and you can see the written document that invoked the evil spell on the orphanage.

At this point, it would be wise to share this with your compatriots before you become a VICtim. Just click on the right button and you’re ready for the photo finish. Kelly and Simon explain that you must destroy the document without moving it. How are you going to do that? Call down fire from heaven?

Now, remember the girl in the pantry? What did she get in trouble for? Think she might have anything to spark your interest, match your enthusiasm, and light a fire under Mother Helena’s spirit? You’ll have to pass the phone and intercept a weird phone call before you get to her, but she’ll tell you where to find what you need. Then, when you try to get back, the phone rings again as though it’s a busy day at the office. Go ahead, answer it and things get stranger and stranger.

Once you’re back at the altar, you know what to do. Since you’re out of the kitchen, you might as well turn up the heat. If you’re successful, it’s time to get out of there. No matter what happens, remember that it’s time to get out of there. Make a run for it whenever your cursor appears and watch for a very interesting climax. Then, once you’re out, be ready for your compatriots to set up a mystery for the next episode.

FIRE FLIGHT Though the flame consumes the spell's power, you'll still have to make a run for it before this adventure is over.

SPOILER #1: The “maze/chase” sequence is spelled out as 1) turning around, 2) moving forward once, 3) slanting upward to the right, 4) moving forward through the double doors, 5) turning right to go down the hallway, 6) moving forward down the hallway, 7) twist down the stairs once, 8) twist down the stairs twice, 9) step up the stairs to the left so that you approach the door, 10) turn the door handle, 11) ascend the stairs, 12, 13, 14) turn right three times, and 15) enter the office.

SPOILER #2: You heard Josh and Mr. Epps arguing in the storage room on the second floor, right next to the projection room. So, knocking three times on this door should bring you in. One step forward and one step left will cause Josh to appear.

SPOILER #3: You actually need to have the movie ticket you got at the start of the game, the quarter you should have found when you first examined the balcony, the screwdriver from the desk drawer in the projection room, and the shovel that was beside the projector in the projection room.

SPOILER #4: You should shoot the animals in the following order: rabbit, deer, deer, rabbit, deer, rabbit, skunk, deer, rabbit, skunk.

SPOILER #5: Look on the seat vacated by Tommy for the green crayon. The blue crayon is on the sink. The yellow crayon is on the easel. The orange crayon is on one bookshelf. The red crayon is on the other.

SPOILER #6: There is a rhyme posted on the bulletin board. It tells you the order in which you will color the drawing.

SPOILER #7: One the left side, you will place the following children’s books: The Safety Book for Kids, A Kid’s Guide to Churning Your Own Butter, Let’s Count to 11, Let’s Talk About the Alphabet, and My First Book of Diseases. One the right side, place the following books for adults in this order: Punishment Made Easy, Inherent Evil, The Novel, Schizophrenia and You, Get Rich Yesterday, Global Warming: Why Should You Care?, It was the Maid: A Murder Mystery, and Spells, Occult and Rituals.